WAITING FOR FIRST LIGHT

The project demanded full commitment, over an extended period. This included several all-nighters, where information was collected, then studied, and then more questions would come out of the data.
All-nighters usually included a lot of coffee, food, beer and running, not in this order, to keep us awake. Over time, the familiar feeling of fatigue, of reaching that threshold that you only know when you learn to push the limits, the sensation of things slightly slowing down, but then, when you pass that threshold, of speeding up.

And the almost subconscious desire for the first light of the morning. Your head plays with you by saying that it will be over, once the light comes.

Then the first ray of dawn, and you are still focused, but there is a pause. I can’t describe it, but there is always a pause. Everyone, whether by choice or automatically, would pause and look up, just for a second, to acknowledge the rising sun, the often purple, orange and red shards of sky.

There was something during those all-nighters that bonded us, beyond the fact that we all worked on the same team. It bonded us to a point beyond trust in one another. The work, the stress, the wins and fuckups, and the shared common feeling of the first light… We waited for that first light. Even when that meant, we were short on time, and we needed to speed up, and work for another 24 hours. That first light was our moment of both inward reflection, and boost of energy needed to push through.

I do miss that feeling. I miss the sensation that comes with the first light. Of having done something either important or beyond the normal, where both body and mind are pushed, over night.

Waiting for the first light…